I Am Here!

Hi there, The pencils here represent me sitting here writing to you. As I am navigating the new year, something has been very obvious to me: in many arenas I am invisible. Follow my thoughts on this. I was recently trying to shop for some new clothes. I have no luck with doing clothes online. Everything is too big. I went to the mall so see what I could find. Some of the stores I used to shop in have closed due to the retail apocalypse that has happened over the past few years. I did find something, though and that was good. But in so many stores, the clothes are for those who are wearing ripped jeans and crop tops, not this girl. If you have met me in person you get my meaning. Now, on to other things. In the world we are living, many people have lost someone, but fortunately, I have not. I did, but that was 6 years ago and the reason I started this blog was to honor him. I do not have kids at home being schooled at all hours of the day and night to get school work done. I do not have aging parents who I cannot visit. All of these are things that do not include me. I no longer have a sweetie, so no Valentine's day for me, again. I am not dating now because the online thing has not worked for me. It does not work for everyone over 50, no matter what the dating sites want you to think. And I passed 50 a while ago. If you have met me, you know what I mean.

Now, let's talk about where I visible: right here!! This is something I can do. I have had some success with it in the past, and hope to have some in the future. I am even working on a piece that I will submit to a writing competition later this year. If you are new to my blog and you want to find out more about me, check out the link to a book I have an essay in, from when I was finishing my psych degree at Virginia Wesleyan.

Ernest Hemingway was once quoted as saying 'No tears in the writer, no tears from the reader'. I have cried quite a bit lately, at the drop of hat. The month of December is especially hard for me with way too many triggers for tears. Old anniversaries, death and all. I got through it, but there were days that I did just stay home and cried, to get it out. No pity party for very long, but long enough to honor the feelings.

Now to the writing. I recently watched an interview with David Kessler, who has written a new book about the growth that can come to a person even after they have lost someone. It is called Post Traumatic Stress Growth. I know exactly how that feels. Although I was devastated when Jim died, I had to find something to do with that grief. I started this blog to have a place to share how I was feeling and over the past 1 year, many of you have joined me and enjoyed what I have posted and I am very grateful for the input and the subscribers. I wonder how some of you have found me or why. Would love to know that when you find this blog, that you leave a comment about why and who you may have lost. you can send me an email or leave a comment on the site.

The growth that David Kessler talks about can be hard to find. Cheryl Sandberg, in her book, Option B talked about it quite a bit. So much loss has happened for so many over the past year of Covid deaths that it will take a long time before many people can find the energy to get out of bed, let alone the work it takes to figure out "what is next for me?". I speak with my therapist once a month. If you can afford it, please do it. Do not think you have nothing to say, you do. Do not think it will not help. It does. You have so much grief, or rage or sadness built up inside and you need an outlet for it. We used to see our friends and share how we are doing and what we are doing, and not that is not available to many of us. My piece I wrote here last year about getting hugs has had more readers than anything else. More and more the doctors and others on TV have mentioned the need for human touch and how the lack of it is something many will never recover from. Too many people have committed suicide because they cannot handle the loneliness, the pain and sadness they feel. Do not be one of those people.

Looking for ways to grow can be challenging. It came to me in ways I did not expect. I did say "yes" to things, instead of "no". This helped a lot. When someone asked me to write an article for a newsletter, I said 'yes'. When I was asked by a friend to organize a large function for our Toastmasters Convention in 2015, I of course said 'yes'. When I met a younger man who thought I was special, I said 'yes' again. it does take courage to say yes. But, as the title of my blog says, " Yes Move Me Forward". The opposite is true, 'No keeps me stuck in place'. You cannot grow and find meaning in life is you are stuck in place, or worse, going backward. It is so different for everyone and I am not the only person who has found a way, but if you work at it, it can be done. Journaling can help. Write down the thoughts you are having, good and not so good. Get them out of your head and down on paper where you can see them. See how you feel from one week to the next. Find gratitude. It will change your life. The old adage that goes " the more you appreciate the things you have, the more you will have" is so true. In the face of depression and sadness, it is hard to find things to be grateful for to be sure. Try it for a week and see what happens. You don't have to share it with anyone, but that will help if you do. They may be going through the same things and you may be able to help them. You never know who is listening and who needs help. We are all in this together. Really, it is true. We can also get out of it, together. I guess that is where I will leave you for this month.